My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
