shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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