On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had sex on a roof
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
