This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
