Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
