The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
