just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
