ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
