Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
