wrigley field is MILF paradise
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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