I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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