I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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