I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
