I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
