GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
