i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
