I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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