I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
