I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
