What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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