Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
