I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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