he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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