in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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