My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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