Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
