we have officially lost it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
