I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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