Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
