dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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