On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
