shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
