I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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