i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
