i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
