I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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