the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
