there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
