you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
