My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
