but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
