I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
