Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
