i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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