Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you will always have a special place in my vag
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
