On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
