My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
