I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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