Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
