This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
