Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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