Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
